The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
