also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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