the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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