I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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