just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize
