i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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