are you so shy because you have an std?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
