Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
