its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
