Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's get the cat blown out
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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