I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
