she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
