I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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