guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
