Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
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