I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
