Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
