Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
