I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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