I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
