i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
