I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
