I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
