just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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