you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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