Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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