i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
