Dual....:-)
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
