There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
