Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
