im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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