You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
How naked do you want me to be?
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