Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
