WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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