No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
