I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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