I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
