if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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