think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you pee in the oven last night??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
