am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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