she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
