haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You've changed since you got that strap on
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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