Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
