And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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