im drinking this country out of the recession.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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