Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
