I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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