Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
