Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
