put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
