Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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