The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
