Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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