My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Randomize
