We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
so much tequila, so little girl.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
