Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
