Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
