I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All the doctor said was why
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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