I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
