You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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