she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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