This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
