My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
