I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
