her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm passing your future prison.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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