i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
