I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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