You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
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Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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