I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
