happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
