its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
im on a boat
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