maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
