I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
