I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
