i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
