I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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