Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
