There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
