I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
