You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
