I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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