trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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