but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
