Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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