I molested 6 butterflies tonight
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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