Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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