i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We named our party play list daddy issues
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
