It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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