I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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